The Turkey Bowl (17)

I spent my whole life growing up trying to be tough. In elementary school, I wanted to be faster than everyone else. In Junior High, I wanted to work out and beat one of the football players in an arm wrestle. In High school, I was known as a beast on the soccer field. I used my strength and athleticism to define myself, to prove myself. Every thanksgiving, our neighborhood hosts a turkey bowl and I make sure to be there. The first year I played, I was about 12 and was the only girl there. From then on, a few girls joined on occasion, but regardless, I always played. I had a few good years where I made some great plays and was there able to prove myself to my brothers and the other boys in the neighborhood. I had a reputation to uphold. Well, this past year, to keep in line with tradition, I went to the turkey bowl. As I was playing, I was enjoying it, but not in the same way that I used to. I used to be super aggressive and would talk myself up. This year, I didn't really make any great plays, but that didn't bother me. I didn't realize until after the game what the difference was. The real difference was that I didn't feel like I had to prove myself to anyone. I felt confident with who I was, regardless whether I was the fastest on the field or the strongest. Now, don't get me wrong, I still love to be aggressive and I do like to smack talk- I still like to do my usual things, but now, I don't feel like my self esteem is connected to it. It was just such a freeing feeling to know I could play in the football game and not have to prove anything specific. I already know who I am and my football skills do not define me.