This is my first semester back at BYU since my mission. I did one semester before, so yes, I am still one of those freshman that shouldn't be a freshman. It was so weird coming home from my mission and my little 18 year old sister and I were signed up for similar types of classes. But that's ok. My experience this time around has been leaps and bounds above my first semester. I remember my first semester here, I felt insecure about myself. I stressed about grades and tests and how much harder college was than high school. I worried about how I looked to everyone else. I got annoyed with how many returned missionaries I met that would just sit in class and not talk to anyone, especially after they had literally been talking to EVERYONE for two years straight. (And quite frankly, people are still like that, which I think is lame because aren't we all supossed to be helping each other out and being friendly to those around us?) But anyway, it's been neat since being back.
I feel this odd sense of peace and confidence about who I am and what I do. I don't try to scout out the cutest looking guys and corner them and try to get their number. I don't worry about dating like I did before. Shoot, if he wants to ask me out again, great. If not, I have tons of other things to do. I don't worry so much about what others think of me. I just am who I am and I like it. I try to be honest with people and not fake. If I'm fake and act fake, I just attract the same thing. But I want to meet people who are real and down to earth. I think I have more stress now than I did before my mission, and I am doing fine.
I don't have emotional break downs, like I used to. I remember calling my dad about once a week just telling him how stressed I was and how I couldn't handle it. I still talk to my parents all the time now, but I feel peace at where I am at and know that everything will work out. I love feeling this content feeling about who I am and what I am doing.
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